My Best Friend Has Cancer

I found out on the day of my wedding reception. Somehow I managed to hold it together for everyone else and actually have a good time. Then after everyone left, I lost it. But we still didn't know what kind of cancer it was or what the prognosis was. We could assume it wasn't going to be good because, well it IS cancer, and it was already in 11 spots. Yesterday I found out it is stage IV, very aggressive, and the prognosis is "not good". Looking up adenoma carcinoma does nothing for me. I'm living in a constant state of denial because I have 2 young kids of my own to look after and a husband who needs me. Then I spoke to her ex boyfriend last night. And I had to tell him all of the things I had read but not allowed to sink in. My friend, Denial. It's bad bad bad. I refuse to give up hope but now I have to plan a trip to see her, and to say goodbye. It's not fair, it's not right.
We met 25 years ago. It was the first day of 7th grade and I was the only person in the class that was not at that school for 6th grade. I didn't know a soul. The teacher asked us to split into groups of 4 or 5 and I sat there frozen. All these kids knew each other, who was going to take mercy on the new girl? And then SHE did. She asked me to join her group and that was that. We connected in a way I didn't know was possible. Over the years we've been the kind of friends most people wish they had. She will never, ever judge me. She knows all of my dirt and loves me anyway. She will always, ALWAYS be honest with me. If I get into an argument with my husband or I get upset about something she is my sounding board. She will tell me if I'm the one being the asshole and I have to listen. Because she's always right. I don't know how to live without this girl. We've had plans to grow old together and the thought of growing old without her makes me want to vomit.
I'm still wavering between Denial and Anger right now. I want to stay in Denial as long as possible because I'm not sure I can function when I move past that. But she is in pain, she deserves so much more....she is a pure soul, always looking for the good in everyone and finding it too....I love you, girl. I know you know that but I don't think you have any idea of the depths of that love. You are my sister, my confidant, my soul mate. You know that though.....I'm coming to see you...and I am praying it will not be the last time. There's always hope, right?